Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
