Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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