I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
