Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize