I want to have your abortion
someone get that fucking seahorse.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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