My nipple is on Facebook.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
