Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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