She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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