Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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