so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
