I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
