I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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