we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You need Xanax blowdarts
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
