Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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