Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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