you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
