I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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