Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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