No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
