dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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