I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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