Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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