I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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