i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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