she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
