chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
