See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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