He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
