Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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