she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
