I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
