you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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