People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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