Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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