What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
