2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
