Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize