There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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