dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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