Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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