I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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