Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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