Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If its not for food we ain't going out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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