overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize