yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
