The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
