The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
