They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize