Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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