Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
