I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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