i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize