D3 body, D1 cock
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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