we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Be still, my beating vagina.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
