bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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