Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
