She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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