Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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