have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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