and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
