dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize