With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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