i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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