Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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