Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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