You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
